


Cream and Sugar

by WinryMarellie



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Friendship, Platonic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:05:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4032880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinryMarellie/pseuds/WinryMarellie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoriko begins to wonder if she is being nothing more than a nuisance to her friend, but is terrified at the possibility of losing her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cream and Sugar

Sun beamed through the windows of the coffee shop as customers took their time enjoying each of their drinks. A peaceful serenity that often came with Sunday mornings as they turned into afternoons, before a rush of customers could come and interrupt the quiet.

Touka stood at the bar, yawning as she cleaned one of the cups carefully. Her eyes felt heavy as she tried to focus, regretting how late she stayed up the night before.

“You should try going to bed earlier” Irimi smiled as she walked by her with a cup of coffee. “It doesn't look good if you fall asleep in a coffee shop.”

Touka frowned, “It wasn't that late.”

“What time then?” she asked as she sat the cup down in front of a customer, returning over to the teen.

“Probably...” Touka thought about it, “Around midnight? Maybe a bit later...I was studying!”

“That's right...you have exams coming up, don't you?”

“Yeah. I'm a little worried about it.” she frowned as she sat the clean cup next to a row of others.

Irimi grabbed a bag of coffee off the shelf and began to brew it, “Why don't you ask Kaneki for help? He seems awfully smart.”

“What?” Touka's face flooded with embarrassment, “I don't need him thinking I'm an idiot.” she frowned and turned away.

Irimi smiled sadly and poured the coffee into a cup, setting it down in front of Touka, “There's nothing wrong with asking for help. We all do from time to time. Now drink, maybe it'll wake you up a bit.”

Touka looked down at the cup and took it in her hands, “Thanks, Ms. Irimi...”

“It's fine.” she looked out the window and her eyes softened, “Isn't that your friend out there?”

The girl looked up to see her friend passing by the window, she had on a delicate, pale blue sundress that the wind caressed as she walked. Her hair was decorated in a light pink clip that matched the purse she had clutched to her side.

“Yeah...that's Yoriko.” her voice trailed off as she watched the girl pass, her direction changing as she entered the coffee shop.

“Welcome.” Irimi spoke as the girl entered.

Yoriko looked after the two of them and smiled, “Hello.” she spoke in a happy tone as she made her way over towards Touka.

“Yoriko? Why are you here? I thought you didn't drink coffee...”

Touka watched as Yoriko moved closer to her, a sweet smile on her face as she spoke, “I do sometimes...just not a lot.” she pushed her hair behind her ear before she continued, her cheeks a soft, warm pink, “Besides, I missed you! And I wanted to see you at work since I don't really ever come by that often.”

Yoriko turned to look around the coffee shop, people were invested in their own lives as they talked to one another, checked their phones, read books, it was a calming atmosphere. She looked back over at her friend, her eyes soft as she spoke, “Is there a specific place I should sit?”

“Oh, here.” Touka quickly scrambled from behind the bar as she went to stand next to her friend, leading her to a table. “Do you want me to get you something?”

“Something not too strong.” Yoriko joked, waving a hand in front of her, “You know I don't like it when stuff is too bitter.”

“Want lots of milk and sugar then?” Touka smiled as she wrote the girl's order down.

“That'd be perfect!” Yoriko smiled as she watched her friend walk away, turning her head as she disappeared behind the counter as she focused on the window. Outside she watched as people passed by. Couples held hands as they spoke sweet sentences to each other, children grasped onto their mother's sides as they crossed the road, friends carried bags as they took photos together...

Yoriko sighed as she watched them, but her attention was suddenly deterred by the quiet clank of ceramic against wood. She turned back to see her friend smiling down at her, “I used a lighter roast for you.”

Yoriko smiled, “Thanks, Touka.” she picked up the cup and brought it to her lips, taking a sip of the hot liquid. It was creamy and sweet, nothing like the standard bitter, watery coffee she usually was subjected to by everyone around her. “It's really good!” she smiled as she sat the cup down. “Oh hey...so can you sit down for a bit? I was hoping we could maybe talk for a while.”

“Yoriko I'm at work.” Touka glanced back at the clock, “I have a break in about...twenty minutes. If you are willing to wait that long...”

“Of course!” Yoriko immediately replied, “I can just play on my phone or something while I wait...”

Touka frowned, “Are you sure? I don't want you to be bored.”

“I could never be bored when you're involved!” Yoriko's expression was determined as she took another sip of coffee, “Besides, I will get time to enjoy this amazing drink you made for me!”

This changed her expression to a smile and she left her friend to her drink, moving back over to the bar where she continued previous task, mindlessly cleaning cups as she tried not to doze off. From time to time, she'd glance up at Yoriko, and would see her looking back outside.

Was this what loneliness felt like? Yoriko played with her own fingers as she watched the world of strangers pass by the window. Everyone looked so happy, like there wasn't a care in the world. She looked back down at her coffee, the light, creamy color swirling around itself. Touka made this for her, she had to remember that. Someone cared about her, she just had to keep that in mind.

And yet she felt alone. She watched as two girls passed, laughing over something that she could only imagine to be enjoyable, and she wished that it was her and Touka instead. She felt her heart sink and she sulked in her chair, her eyes saddening as she brought the cup to her lips. A smile, she should force herself to do that more often, because it always made Touka do the same in return. She liked her smile, because it made her feel full inside.

Yoriko couldn't help but wonder how she felt so alone when her friend was standing only 20 feet away. She felt as though she was in a completely different world than Touka when she wasn't at school with her, like there was something different about her friend when she was here. So much of her life was here, and Yoriko couldn't help but wish she could become more of a part of it.

Pure sugar. That's what was at the bottom of the cup. Yoriko stared at the melted slush that filled the bottom, and wondered if she meant as much to Touka as Touka meant to her. A best friend, her only friend, it hurt to imagine the times without her. She glanced over for a moment, to find Touka laughing with Irimi, and she felt sad. Touka had other friends, other people that were important to her, and Yoriko couldn't think of any other people besides her family that held any significance like Touka did. Was this pathetic? Was she holding onto something to tightly?

“Alright, I'm going on my fifteen.” Touka spoke as she walked out from behind the bar and over to Yoriko's table, taking a seat across from her. “Hey, I've got fifteen minutes if you want to talk and hang out a bit.”

“Hm?” Yoriko snapped out of her thoughts and noticed Touka sitting across from her, “Oh! You're on break now!” she forced herself to smile and held up the cup, “This was really good, Touka!” she sat it back down on the table, “Maybe I'll have to come by more often if you're going to make things as sweet as this for me.”

Touka chuckled and leaned back in the chair, “I won't force you to drink coffee just because I work here. It's okay if you admit you don't like it.”

“I do like it...” she looked a little saddened by the statement, “At least the way you make it...”

She smiled at her and shrugged, “Do whatever you like. It's kind of nice seeing you around here from time to time.”

“Sometimes I start to miss you.” she admitted.

“We see each other all the time at school.”

“I know but...” she trailed off as she looked back out the window, “I don't get to just...hang out with you that often.” She watched as another group of friends passed and she felt her heart ache.

“Is everything alright?” Touka looked concerned as she saw her friend's expression change.

She was quiet before she let in a sharp breath, trembling as she tried to force down the lump in her throat, “Do you want to come spend the night tonight?”

“Tonight?” Touka thought about it, “It's kind of sudden don't you think?”

“It's fine if you can't...”

“No, no. It's cool, I don't have anything important to do tonight.”

Yoriko smiled sadly at her, “When do you get off?”

“At six.” Touka glanced at the clock, “It's still going to be a while, if you want to come back when I get off...”

“I'll pick you up!” she insisted, “I'll be here at six to come get you.”

Touka smiled and stood up from the table, “That's fine. I gotta head back to work, okay? If you want to stick around a little longer feel free.” She reached over and grabbed the girl's cup from her. “Do you want another for the road?”

“Only if you make it.” Yoriko smiled.

Touka nodded and left the girl alone again. Yoriko watched as her friend returned to the counter to make a new brew. She rested her chin on her hand as she watched her, seeing the peace and serenity that came from such a mindless task. Watching Touka made her feel relaxed, a remembrance that she was still there, and she hadn't disappeared.

Moments later, Touka was back with a to-go cup and handed it to her friend. Yoriko stood and swung her purse over her shoulder, a small stack of money left on the table. She took the cup from her hands and forced another smile, “I'll be back later, okay?”

“I'll see you then.” Touka watched as Yoriko quickly made her way towards the door and out of the shop. Touka collected her money and walked back over to the register.

“Is something troubling your friend?” Irimi asked, mindlessly collecting dishes from one of the tables.

“What makes you say that?” Touka asked as she put away the money.

Irimi walked over towards her and sat the dishes on the counter, “You aren't good at reading people are you?” She pushed the dishes towards Touka for her to clean, “I suppose you get better at it with age.”

“She didn't seem weird.” Touka watched as Yoriko walked past the window again. She stopped and looked back inside, giving her friend a small wave accompanied by a sad smile before she walked off. “When I talked to her she seemed normal.”

“Ah.” Irimi nodded a bit as she went to clear another table, “You should learn to read the emotions of your friends, it can help you better understand their situation or how they are feeling.” She stopped stacking dishes for a moment as she thought about the girl, “She seems sad.” Irimi looked back at her, “Didn't you get that vibe as well?”

Touka was quiet as she thought about it, staring at the spot where Yoriko had sat just moments earlier. She had glanced up from time to time to check on her, but every single time the girl had been looking away. She had never actually seen Yoriko's face. “I guess...”

“Just check up on her.” Irimi suggested, “I'm sure whatever she is feeling right now, it would mean the world to her that a friend cares.”

“I don't want to pry...”

“She cares about you a lot, Touka.” Irimi smiled, “I could tell by the way she talks about you.”

“You were eavesdropping?”

“It's hard not to.” she chuckled and looked at the girl, “I'm sure your opinion, or more so your concern would mean a great deal. You seem to mean a lot to her, and I'm sure she'd be just as worried about you if something were wrong.”

Touka was quiet for a long time, fingers working around one of the cups as she wiped it off, “I'll try talking to her.”

“Let me know how it goes.” she stacked several cups next to the girl, “I'm curious now.”

 

\---

 

Hours passed as the sky began to grow dark. Customers began to thin as the evening crept upon them, returning to their lives as they left the shop. Touka stared at the clock as she anticipated her shift ending.

The door opened and her attention was instantly drawn to it. The same smiling girl as earlier emerged, a bag clutched to her side as she walked over to the bar. “Hey, Touka! Sorry I got here kind of early. I guess I was so worried about being late I left too early...”

“It's fine.” Touka waved her hand, “If you want to just sit down, I'll be off in about ten.”

“Okay!” Yoriko smiled sweetly at her as she went back to the table she sat at earlier that day.

“Who's that?” Nishiki piped up, leaning against the bar.

“Shut up, Nishiki.” Touka instantly retorted, taking cups and placing them up on the shelves.

He frowned, “God, I was just asking. You don't need to be such a brat about everything.”

“Or you could mind your own business.”

“You always have to start shit, don't you?” he scoffed and crossed his arms, “I can't believe I have to deal with you.”

She walked over to him and shoved him by the shoulder, “Just be glad I'll be out of here soon. Then you can have your peaceful little night without me.”

“Can't wait.” his tone was sarcastic as he walked away from her.

Yoriko glanced over at Touka and frowned, “You shouldn't be rude.”

“Yeah, Touka.” he agreed, his tone full of sarcasm.

Touka rolled her eyes and walked over to Yoriko, “It's just Nishiki. He's a jerk on the daily.”

“Still,” Yoriko took Touka's hands, “You guys should all be nice to each other!”

Touka rolled her eyes as she listened to Nishiki laugh about the statement as he disappeared into the employees only area, “I honestly don't think we would be able to get along any better even if we tried that.”

Yoriko frowned, “Maybe it's just a different type of affection than what I'm used to.”

“You could say that.” she thought about it for a moment, “I guess we kind of all get along in different ways here. Nishiki and I just find it kind of hard to bear each others company without insulting one another.”

“Hm.” Yoriko nodded in response, “To each their own, I guess.”

“Hey, Touka.” Nishiki emerged from behind the door, “Yoshimura says it's time to go home. Get out of here.”

“So kind.” she grumbled and turned back to Yoriko, “I'll be right back I'm going to go get my things.”

“Alright.” she smiled and watched as Touka disappeared behind the employees only door. She walked over to the bar and stood there, patiently waiting for her.

Nishiki eyed her and walked over, “So who are you?”

“Oh!” Yoriko stood up straight, “I'm Touka's friend, Yoriko Kosaka! Nice to meet you.” she smiled as she bowed slightly towards him.

“Uh-huh.” he leaned against the counter, “Surprised a girl like that can make friends.”

“She's actually really nice...” Yoriko frowned.

He couldn't help but laugh at that statement, “Touka? Nice? It'll be a cold day in Hell-”

“Nishiki.” He was cut off by Touka emerging from behind the door. “Stop harassing her.” Touka walked over to Yoriko and took her hand, “Come on, Yoriko, let's go.”

“God, no need for the attitude.” he rolled his eyes and pushed himself from off the counter, “Don't forget we work together tomorrow.”

“I wish I could forget.” Touka muttered as she walked out with Yoriko, “Let's go, now.”

The two girls left the coffee shop and Yoriko clung to Touka's side, a shiver running through her body as the cool air hit her skin, “When did it get so cold?” she asked aloud as the two of them walked through the city streets.

“You should have grabbed something warm to go before we left.” Touka commented, watching as her friend wrapped herself tighter around her.

“I didn't want to be a burden! It'd only cause more work for you at the end of your shift.”

“It's not a burden.” she shrugged and the two girls stopped at the crosswalk.

Streetlights turned on, the sky had grown dark. Yoriko watched as businesses around them turned on their lights, the street illuminating around them. Cars passed, their headlights blinding her as they grew closer.

The light turned, and then two girls walked. Clutched to Touka's side, Yoriko still found herself feeling far away. Synchronized steps, they meant nothing as feet hit the concrete, each step felt as though she was drifting further away. Her arms squeezed tighter around the girl's arm, her lips tight together as _don't let go, don't let go_ repeated in her mind.

Her cheeks were wet, why were they wet? Yoriko couldn't find a purpose to cry, not when she had her best friend next to her. Important: that's what Touka was to her, and yet why did she feel like that significance wasn't shared? Touka had a world outside of Yoriko, but Yoriko couldn't think of a world outside of Touka. “I'm lonely” she muttered, trying to hold back her emotions, but God how she wanted to tell Touka everything.

“Yoriko?” Touka looked down at her and noticed the tears, “Hey, what's wrong?”

She reached out to touch her face and Yoriko instantly pulled back, “It's nothing, I'm fine just...” she wiped her eyes, “Allergies I guess? My eyes have been watering lately.”

Irimi was right, wasn't she? Touka stepped closer to her friend, “Yoriko if something's bothering you, please talk to me about it.”

“I said it was nothing, okay?” her voice sounded strained as felt tears coming to her eyes once more. Why was she screaming? Why did she feel like running? God she was scared of being alone, and yet here she was, turning away from her friend and running the rest of the way across the street.

“Yoriko!” Touka ran after her, pushing through crowds of people as she watched her friend disappear among them. The flutter of her dress, light blue fabric vanishing among the crowd. Touka's breath was heavy as she ran, desperate to find her.

Touka screamed her name again with heavy breath, her legs carrying her as fast as she could as she moved down the street. What was wrong with her? Why did she run? Worry pulsed through Touka's mind as she pushed herself further.

The other girl sat on the ground, her body collapsed in the dirt of a playground. Gravel dug into her knees as the dirt dusted the edges of her blue dress. Her eyes filled with tears as hands dug into the soft ground. “I'm afraid of losing you, I'm so afraid.” she repeated the words to herself as she sat there in defeat. The fear that consumed her, only contributed to pushing her away.

From a distance, Touka stood, watching the girl. Her chest heaved as she remained afar, relieved to see her friend before her.

Yoriko brought her hands to her face, trying to wipe her eyes as she smudged her face with dirt. Her breathing was erratic as she tried to calm herself down. Her heartbeat felt irregular as she tried to keep herself from falling into a complete panic. “Touka...Touka...” she cried her friends name as she forced herself to breathe, “Please don't leave me...Please...”

Touka moved closer, “Yoriko...”

The girl looked back at her and stumbled to her feet. “I'm...” she took in a sharp breath, trying to compose herself, “I'm so sorry...please...please don't hate me...”

“What?” Touka forced herself to smile, “Don't be ridiculous. Why would I do that?”

“I'm sorry.” Yoriko put her head in her hands, finding herself crying once more, “I'm sorry for always being so stupid.”

“Hey...” Touka reached out and took one of Yoriko's hands, pulling it away from her face to see swollen eyes, tired and filled with tears. “You aren't stupid...just tell me what's wrong.”

Her other hand dropped to her side, body trembling as she looked her friend in the eyes. “I'm scared.” she admitted, shaking her head as she looked towards the ground.

“Scared? Why?”

“I...” she paused, fingers gripping to the side of her dress, “I worry about you...a lot.” she forced a smile, “It's stupid...I know...” Yoriko made herself look back up at Touka and tried to laugh, “But...I'm always scared...that somehow I'm going to lose you.”

Touka squeezed the girl's hand as she remained silent, letting her continue. “I often think, 'What if Touka doesn't need me anymore?' and I get scared. You seem like you're always so happy when I'm not around, and I wonder if you actually need me.” she shrugged as she averted her eyes again, “You seem to have such an established place...so many nice people who care about you...it just makes me wonder, 'Does she need me? Or am I just a nuisance?'” Her eyes saddened. “I rarely see you outside of school, and I hate it. I feel like...there isn't much I can do to contribute to you, and I only stand in the way most of the time, huh? You don't even need me to make you lunch, do you? You're so self sufficient unlike me...”

Yoriko moved her fingers so she could wrap them around her friend's. She squeezed the girl's hand tightly as she tried to force back anymore tears, “And I'm scared something will happen to you that I can't control either. It's scary here, isn't it? All these things happening in the news...what if something were to happen to you?”

Touka swallowed, “What...what do you mean?”

She forced herself to smile again, “It's just a scary world, isn't it? I don't want to see you get hurt.” Yoriko wrapped her arms around Touka, “Please stay safe...” she whispered, laying her head on the girl's shoulder, “I couldn't imagine a world without you...” She squeezed her tightly, her shoulders rising and falling as tears began to fall once more, “I don't ever want to be in a world without you...”

Touka stood there in silence, her only instinct was to wrap her arms around the girl in return. Her hand rubbed her back in small circles, listening to the sobs of her delicate voice as her shoulder grew damp from her tears. Was this what it felt like to have someone to care about? Was this what it felt like to be cared for in return?

For all her life, Touka only felt the loneliness Yoriko was enduring in that moment, but there was something different about realizing she had been loved.

 


End file.
